...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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