Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
