Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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