Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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