I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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