it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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