it was like his penis was on wheels.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize