We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
