I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i drank out of a bidet.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
