Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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