while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
