wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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