i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
