Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
