is your mom at the bar?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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