Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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