Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
