One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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