Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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