So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
