I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
