okay pat passed out under dana's car
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
