I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found puke in my bra..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
