In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
