The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
