Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i permit you to call me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
