My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
