oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
