ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
