is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
