what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
