I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
