Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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