I accidentally had phone sex last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
