Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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