Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
