I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
