I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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