i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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