Your dad touched me again.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize