So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
