ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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