My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
