You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
