the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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