i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
