It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
