life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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