before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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