another moral hangover. fuck.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
