I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
