I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
