I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
