he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
