I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
