I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
