It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
