the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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