got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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