I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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