I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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