Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
