I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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