Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
