so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
