We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize