vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
