So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
