pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
