mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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