you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
