ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
