did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my sisters under your porch take her home
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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