They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
