How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
