Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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