it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
