So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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