You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
