If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize