the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
