Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Acid is not a monday night drug
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
