She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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