we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize