The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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