Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
