I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
