Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
