ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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