I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
