Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
