is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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