Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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