This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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