who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
