Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
