i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
