Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize